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31 October 2009 @ 01:30 pm

Itching to write today. Don't have much to write though. But that's me, I over indulge sometimes till I get bored and give up. Will summarize the week for now ... last week before flying to Scot :)

1> Read over a hundred pages of Ayn Rand, maan she rocks. Love her dark humour, like her style of writing, love the way she brings out each one of those shady characters. Amazing, envy her state of mind ! Looking for folks to discuss her books, I think I already know a couple in Scot :)

2> Picked up another book yest, but it has to wait in the shelves for a while. Have some more books in mind to pick up before leaving. Have given myself the next one year to do things that I loved doing but kept postponing. Books and movies, Career of course, no compromise on that. May give up guitar, until and unless I find great company that is.

3> Went to quite a few places this week. Stones, guzzlers, enigma and our old adda BJP :). It was fun, the conversations I mean. Laden's path to heaven to Robin hood's stupid path of righteousness, enjoyed them all.

4> Watched wake up sid, first half was crappy, loved the second part of second half. Glad that I watched it, the kinda movie I was yearning to watch :). Movie followed by gtalk with GB, mood changing, yeah yeah, me am happy :)

5> All the best, same old coincidental sequential comedy. Not my types, 15-20 mins were ok tho. Maghadeera and this is it pending, will watch them for sure before leaving.

6> G-trip today :). Will have hella lot of things to write ... if i join them that is.

7> Made a couple of friends :) AC, this sooper cool guy, smart, nice and down to earth types. GB ... the mysteriously scary types. But what I like the most about that is that the selfishness of friendship is never hidden. Its pretty straight forward, reasons aint given or taken. Plain straight, will be fun to see how this goes.

That's pretty much it I guess. Will leave with this thought for now ...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.

So meet strangers, make new friends, live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

- Courtesy, SH :)

Current Mood:

sleepy

Current Music: Tera hone laga hoon, jabse mila hoon ...

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27 October 2009 @ 12:12 am

Survival series ...

I build my hopes like castles of sand,

only to be blown away,

by the faintest of sighs,

and now i walk the roads of annihilation again,

paths that have lead to new beaches of sand,

With empty hands I can survive again,

with empty spirit I need a new hope to live again !!

Current Music: Rasmus - In the Shadows

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20 October 2009 @ 12:57 am

Q&A

Have been planning to blog for a long time now. Quite a few things I wanted to write here ... last few days in London, scotland trip, conversation with a stranger in my flight back to India, conversation with dm, family nd friends here etc etc etc. Never mind, blogging obviously will be lot more frequent hence forth. Don't have many things to do in Scotland you see.

Anyway, today's blog is gonna be a lil diff. Its an excerpt from an interview of a celebrity called Arjun by this inquisitive journalist called Karan. Karan is a born pessimist, confused, sarcastic and doesn't trust anybody easily. Arjun is confident, introspective, pretty open, expressive and is an optimist. Karan despises Arjun and vice versa, they don't trust each other and given a chance they wouldn't mind murdering the other. Mind you, both are my alter ego's !!

K: Let me start with London Arjun, how did you find it ?

A: Well, I loved the place. It was good fun initially, loved the crowd, the most colorful place I have ever seen. But slowly I started feeling the hollowness of the place, its fun over the weekends, weekdays are horrible, not much life i'd say, not the way I wanted it. Found all the weekend fun a little too artificial.

K: Artificial, never thought you would say that ?

A: Yes, I have started realizing that a lot of things I do are a little artificial. I am growing out of it though, a lot of things I do now have some rationale behind it. I am talking about artificial relationships here, I am no longer interested in maintaining relationships just for old times sake or just for the heck of it. If there is nothing in it for me, I'd slowly walk out. Lets accept it, you walk into somebody's life with your own selfish reason. If the relationship is beyond reason, then there is no point in trying to keep it alive !!!

K: Interesting theory, but how practical is it and have you implemented it ?

A: Yes it is very practical and I know that I am driven mostly by emotions (Arjun notices Karan smiling and sees the contempt in his eyes, realizes its a bold statement to justify ! ). Its tough if not impossible for me. Successful in implementing, yes and no I'd say. When you spend time with yourself, you realize who are the people you really miss, who are the ones who really care and who are the ones who really matter to you. Yes because, I am in touch with people who I think really matter, no because I don't know if I have got my filters right !!

K: So you find some of your relationships artificial and you want to mend them.

A: Well, its not only relationships. Its lot more broader than that. Take gizmo's for example, the iphones, ipods , cars etc etc. I don't like them, I don't see a point in owning them. I don't think they add any purpose to my very existence here or to the purpose of my life. A friend of mine told me once that he is buying this awesome car, he was telling how great it is to be owning it and driving it through the street under the watchful eyes of his neighbors and relatives. I found that ridiculous, its so artificial to be finding greatness in such materialistic things. There is absolutely nothing great about it. If somebody boasts about this wonderful camera they bought, all I can feel is sheer contempt. If the same person says he learnt photography or he learnt a new way of looking at life through a lens, I'd adore and appreciate it. Gizmo's, screw them, I am not my gizmo's for heavens sake, I am not the car I drive !!!

K: Yet another bold statement, but what is your purpose of life (Rather, wtf are u living A !!) ?

A: That's something I have been trying to find out for quite some time now. All I can tell you is that the search is on, the truth is out there and it may take me a lifetime to figure that out. Im in no hurry, promise not to do anything stupid to learn the ultimate truth.

K: Ok, lets move on, tell me something about your depression Arjun.

A: Depression, wtf is that ? I am no longer in depression, I am out of it completely now. Don't think I would get back to that state ever. Scotland or no Scotland, people or no people, I will move on, I will live my life.

K: Amazing, so when did you get out that state ?

A: Well, I was trying to keep track of the exact date when I would get out of depression. Its a very difficult thing to track, you can never pin point and say the date/time. I think it was early September, a couple of weeks before I booked my return tickets to India.

K: Ok, so what was it that helped you get out of there ?

A: Quite a few things, support from my brother, family and friends. I have some good friends, people willing to give me their time. Mail chains with dm, gtalk with AK, GK, MS etc etc. It probably would have been easier if I had people around me. Remember KV telling me once that she din't want to offer any cliched dialogues. So true, I dint want to hear them either. Hated it, I think people say it because its the first thing that comes to their head in such situations and it prolly means nothing. Also, I guess I don't like it because it never gave me the solace I was looking for.

K: Ok, so how many times have you been there and whats it been like ?

A: Been there done that (Laughs). I think I have been there twice, first one was a mix n match of personal life and love life. That's a killer combo, and it took me a long long time to get out of it. It was also because of some stupid people around me and my stupid expectations from them. I chose them, my fault I know. Second one was London, lasted for 2-3 months. My friend AK complimented me once saying I was the biggest move on she has ever known :)

K: So, what did you learn from your recent experience ?

A: Quite a few things actually, tough to put down in words. I try and stay focused, prioritize, avoid people I don't like, I avoid worrying about things I can't control, express love, express feelings openly, state them, live life and do things I always wanted to do.

K: Nice talking to you Arjun, hope to have you soon on the show again.

A: Nice talking to Karan, promise to come back with more funda's, promise to come back with more interesting things to talk about. Kaizen is my way of life.

K: Thanks Arjun, Kaizen it is from my side as well.

Current Music: Khel bana tyohar - Diwali Hogi Cupwali Champions League T20 !

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25 July 2009 @ 04:21 am

Bug and windshield ...

Well, been in London for about seven weeks now. Thought I'll blog only after I get a job. Cudn't stop myself from blogging today. Have been going through a lot of emotions in the past two months. Some excellent and some very depressing. But me being me, remember only the depressing things about myself !!

Been extremely tough here offlate, haven't got a call since two weeks. Its depreesing, feel like throwing my away cellphone, its of bloody no use. Have been stuck to my room, laptop and books for weeks together. Went out yesterday to return the books to the library and was uncomfortable in the bright sunlight. Got used to the darkness in my life and my room I guess. Never in my life was I so idle, was always occupied and loved it that way.

Spoke to my bro for a long time today. Maan, he is very inspiring, mature and brilliant. No wonder I try to ape him all the time. Hez a tough guy, he knows what he is doing, what he wants and how to get there. But he has been unlucky I guess, surrounded by lesser mortals. People like him deserve to shine, deserve to lead, deserve the best in life, but life has its own plans.

Watched a lot of abdul kalam videos today, the idea was to keep up the motivations levels. To be strong, get together with myself , focus and fight harder to land a job. There is a lot of pressure on me u c. Most of it is self imposed though. Y so ? well i guess, its because of my own expectations. I want to make a lot of money, for myself and my family of course. I have to support my family, they are dependent on me. The money I have left in India will last another two months. I need to settle doen before that gets exhausted. But it doesn't end there, I want to help my friend arun with his finances. Help suresh with his aus visa. Help my relatives settle down. Sponsor my cousins further studies, sponsor relatives children. I'm not here only for myself, I'm here for everybody I care for. But when I realise I can do none of this, I get disapponted and depressed.

Screw it, sometimes you are the bug, sometimes you are the windshield. Tired of being the bug, tired of fighting life, tired of fighting with my luck. Tempted to take the easy way out and head back to India. But chill, I wont give up so easily. It took me ages to get out of the comfort zone and take my chances, wont give up without a fight. Won't be disheartened if it doesn't work out either, at least I'll be happy I gave it a fight. Some lessons are learnt the hard way in life, and i'll be glad that I at least learnt it.

That apart, have been thinking about my options now. Nothing wrong in heading back to India. If I head back, first preference will be infy. Yeah u read it right, infy the sadu indian company. But I have always wanted to work with an Indian firm. MNC's are great places to work, been there worked and enjoyed the comforts. But comforts isnt everything, or isit ? Nevertheless, I think Im good and I should contribute to an indian company. Thats the least I can do I guess. Mindtree, IBM are the options I'm thinking about. Head back home, work hard , hard as in really hard, gym and go back home to family. Get married next year and settle down in life, no more fighting with luck, give up, accept and live life.

Second option, the harder one. Work in pizza hut, work in pc world or some indian restaurant. Survive for another 3 months, send some money home as well and try harder to get a job. Hopefully, I'd land a good job if I can just survive this onslaught of emotions and negative thoughts. Reminds me of my friend turned enemy's words ... Its not the size of the man in the fight that matters, but the size of the fight in the man !

For now, I mean this moment, I'm thinking about the second option. It may change tomorrow morning or sometime during the night in my dreams. For now, I'm saying, screw u life, try screwing me and I'll screw u back harder, really hard I swear !!

Five in the morn, will catch some sleep. Leave u with this thot tho. The best search engine is right here ... deep within me !

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10 June 2009 @ 02:01 pm

Yippie Yippie ...

Something I wrote last week, was saved in drafs fortunately. Dated: May 31st

=============================================================================================================

Yippie yippie, mez happy. Met my childhood friends, eons after I moved out from one end of the city to the other. Not that I'm very close to them, just that I grew up with them. Plain nostalgia plays magic u c.

I lived in a small beautiful locality and my road was prolly the best in the locality. I knew almost everybody in that road. Learnt all my cricket, tennis, badminton skills in that galli. AP, PP, FM & FD was the only world that matterred to me then. There were some more additions here n there, but they never matterred much. Dint like AP though, I think he was this man-break-man kinds right from his childhood. I mean I classify men in two categories, 1) Man-break-man :- that likes breaking the other by putting him down, satifying thyself and the ego. The beast types. 2) Obvious, just have fun types. Don't worry too much about superior or inferior feelings. Live to see each other through and not see through each other types. Chill out types, like my friend AA.

Long story short, FM prolly was my 2nd or 3rd crush. Don't think u'd be surprised, but my 1st crush was my hindi teacher in school! Back to FM, liked her a lot when I was a kid, grew up flirting with her. Played, cycled, danced together. Stopped playing cricket with my bro and other older guyz coz I had to play i-spy with this chick. She was just about a month younger I guess, taught her chess, carrom etc etc, the idea though was to sit with her in her house ! Lotz and lotz of memories with these people, not very naughty tho :(

Sometimes I get the feeling that my childhood wasn't that bad, it was I'm sure but not as bad as I make of it. I kinda contradict myself, as in when it is something plainly related to me , I think of only the sad things. When it is some relationship, I remember only the happier times. I was influenced by one of those moral stories I guess, coz I remember always telling myself "Get rid of bitter feelings, get rid of bitter feelings" ... something that I have told myself all my life. I guess, I have applied that thingy only to relationships. Prolly took me a while to realize that I am more important than the rest, the bitter part of childhood had to be removed slowly but steadily I guess. Never attempted, too late, its already etched in my memory !

Nevertheless, me am happy today. Happy that I met these ppl, happy that I saw a lot of young kids playing in those gullies. It had fallen silent after we moved out. Happy that I finished my income tax work for this year :), happy that London is just a week away.

Conclusion: Good things happen to good people :)))))))).

Current Mood:

cheerful

Current Music: Mar jawa - Fashion

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31 May 2009 @ 08:18 am

"Sure I am that this day - now we are the masters of our fate; that the task which has been set on us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance." - Winston churchill

This is an excerpt from Winston churchill's speech. I love the part which says "that its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance". Every time I'm bogged down, I remember this one line. Not that its an instant relief or something, just that I believe the subconsious will take over and start a positive thought process. Obvious that I was a lil down, otherwise I wouldn't have thought about it.

Well, my past is kinda bugging me. I am an escapist, I mean thats been my way of handling melancholy. I try and avoid thinking about it, keep myself busy or occupied with something else. VM, my friend says thats the wrong way of handling it. VM says it will stay in your subconscious mind and eat you up slowly.

Could be true, I donno, may be thats the reason behind my stupid self annihilation! VM says you have to get to the root of the problem and get sucked into it till you hit the bottom. Once you get there, all you have is only a way up! VM, SS and KV are prolly the only people I know who try it this way. The rest of us I guess just take the instant relief way ... escape !

The past is kinda killing my present. Life will be so damn beautiful if I can get rid of the dark shadows of my past.

Nevertheless, life has sprung back again today. Its a freakin bitter fight b/w melancholy and life, life has won yet again today. I have put those disappointments behind for now. The pangs and toils part is not beyond the endurance of life. Love the two words today, more than ever ... "Move on"!

Hope this post wont inspire melancholy :) Will leave you with these two brilliant lines written by my bro ...

"Melancholy o melancholy, who do you seek when you're down and out!"

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25 May 2009 @ 03:06 pm

Me, Myself and Myself

Flicked from "Me, Myself and Irene", but therez no Irene, so I end up loving myself, lol :)

I keep my promise, this post is all about me. I didn't mean it though, but there was this trigger in office which got me thinking. Long story short, I was cheated by my boss, my bosses boss and all those idiots running that stupid floor. I lost 35k in two months :(. I was discussing this with my super boss UM, an amazing orator and a brilliant man. He empathized with me, said he felt bad n all that and in the end he asked me ... "Tell me frankly, how much does this amount mean to you?".

This was the trigger I was talking about, those words are still reverberating in my ears. I just told him that it means a lot n all that, all though I was kinda faking it, coz Im a born pessimist and I have already accepted the fact that I'm gonna lose that money anyway.

Back to 35k, you know what, 35K actually means a lot to me. Atleast it is supposed to. I come from an extremely poor family, a family which could not make two ends meet. There were umpteen no.of times when my bro and mom went without food. My foodoholic bro just survived on water. I distinctly remember this incident when my bro invited his friend home, it was lunch time and my bro offered his friend the stale food to eat. The friend clearly said, no, it was stale after all. My bro dint think twice, he just ate it all !!

It was an embarrasing situation for my brother, but its nothing compared to what my cute lil sis had to undergo. I feel like crying everytime I think about her childhood. She was just about 3,4 years old when all our misery started. Mom and dad were tensed all the time, bro and I were in the late teens, angry young men ready to teach the world a lesson. The softest target was my sis, nobody had the time or patience to listen, to love, to care for her. She was punished every day, a slap everyday, a scolding for all her innocent moves, maan it was terrible. I remember having slapped her once for no reason, all I was doing was showing my frustration on her. I felt sick after that, sick at myself, it hurts me even to this day.

Fuck, my childhood was bad. You ask anybody around and they'd say the golden period of their life was their childhood. Mine was pathetic. I was just waiting to grow up, waiting to make money, waiting to see mom, dad and sis happy. Yes, I have been successful to large large extent, money is not a problem now, the clashes have reduced, there is sufficient peace at home. A long long way to go though.

I hate money, sometimes I day dream about kicking and burning thousands of rupees. I hate the idea that I am wasting my life chasing money, I mean I get to live only once and I don't want to waste it thinking about money. Money was a strong motivator when I started my career. But now, I feel sick, sick about those tax saving schemes, sick about those investments etc etc.

Studied in some stupid schools, grew up speaking Urdu, kannada and tamil. Somehow picked up English pretty early in life. Will prolly need another post to write about schooling I guess. My adolescence was also ok ok, the best was prolly this time in engg and a couple of years after engg. Money or no money, I had fun all the time. I really don't think I need money, booze, girl, food etc to be happy. Being happy is an intrinsic kinda thing, its what you feel deep within. All I need is good people around me, by good I mean people who see each other through, rather than see through each other.

But wait, am I like sympathizing too much with myself. I mean I'm not the only one who faced such things. There are hundreds and thousands around me who went through shit, but why is this on my mind for succha long time, why am I not moving on! Frankly, I have been trying, but I donno when I'll be able to get out of it completely.

Nevertheless, lemme leave you with this thought, something that I've thinking for a long time now. "Too much self pity leads to self obsession". Think about it, I have seen quite a few self obsessed people and I have started hating 'em !! I mean they can get really boring, everything is about them and this stupid bad thing that happened to them eons ago. Maan, I hate that and hope I never ever get there !!

Current Mood:

Got a tooth extracted today :(

Current Music: Dream on - Aerosmith

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07 May 2009 @ 09:10 pm

A lil contemplative today. I have two friends, A and B. A is a good friend of mine and i know B through A. A & B are very good friends.

I like A, but I don't trust B. As in, I think B is this kinda person who keeps plotting all the time. B is like ultra selfish, shrewd and cunning. B is cynical, lonely, pretty contempt with life, good company to be with. B is friendly to me, talks well n all that, but I somehow get the feeling that B ain't a good person.

Problem is simple, why is it talking so much time for me to arrive at a conclusion about B ? Should I tell A about B, as in at least hint saying B aint all that good ?

That apart, why am I even bothered about A & B. A & B are significant, but not the types who would matter all my life. What's wrong with me, why am I thinking about people ? I mean, there are so many things happening around the world and I am stuck in this small stupid world of A-Z. Didn't a great man once say that "Cheap people discuss people" !! Well, I'm definitely not talking about it to anybody, but my mind is clouded with such stupid thoughts.

Such thoughts have been with me for a while now and I have been cribbing about them for a long long time. For now, all the cribbing ends at one place .... UK !!! Surprising, ain't it ? Well, when I move away, A & B won't be around, nor will the C's & D's. Just a couple of them around me I guess. So may be I will have something better to think about, something more interesting, something that will keep me going, something that will will gimme some solace ... something apart from relationships !!!

Current Mood:

contemplative

Current Music: Aye Ganpath chal daaru laa ...

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04 May 2009 @ 05:05 pm

I was thinking about AS last night and I thought I'll write something about this babe. Woh kethe hein na, think something good before going to sleep :)

Good things first ...

AS is an AS ... an absolute sweetheart. If she likes you, she will just sweep you off your feet with her warmth and attention. She will shower all her love, cook variety of dishes, feed you and treat you like a king/Queen. Proper babe, looks damn cute, has a wonderful smile, chubby cheeks, small lips ... very neatly aligned teeth as well :).

Brand conscious, has a very good dressing sense, I love all of her dresses, but she hates it when I compliment her :(. Fitness freak, gyms everyday, thats like the most important thing to her in life. Has a very well toned body. All in all a "babe", doesn't like being called a babe though !!

Very mature girl, especially when it comes to relationships. Knows exactly what she wants, where the relationship is going and when to call it quits. She is like a PHd in relationship management !! Secretive, very mysterious girl, doesn't reveal much, even though she has quite a lot to share. Quite, unless excited. Approachable, forgiving, not revengeful, likes staying at home, honest, can't pretend for nuts, not very egoistic etc etc.

Still remember our first meeting in the US, still remember how she cut me in the middle of a conversation about gymming and said, "I think i'm proper, I don't need to reduce !!! ". Lotta things to write about AS, had a very good time with her, some very pleasant and some depressing as well. Will stop for now though, will add to this post when I start missing her in the UK.

All good things come to an end ...

AS is rude, she can kill you with her rudeness. But then, the rudeness is instinctive, it doesn't necessarily reflect her thoughts. As in, its not hatred or dislike, its not pent up feelings either, words just flow out at that moment. Everybody has a filter in their throat, it filters out the bitter words and make them swalpa unpleasant words. But AS doesn't have one, she just speaks whatever comes her mind.

Cleanliness freak ( kills me !!), short tempered, moody, cribs a lot about food, judgemental, needs a lot of space and time for herself. Difficult to be understood, difficult to please. Yet another weirdo I'd say, but again, everybody is somebodies weirdo !!

Next post, I'll prolly write about MD, NN and the most important person ... me :).

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01 May 2009 @ 08:17 pm

The back ground first ...

Dona Paula is a beautiful tourist spot in Goa. Legend has that there was a princess called DP, and she was in love with a local fisherman. And like one of our own bollywood flicks, her dad did not approve of the relationship. So she threw herself in the sea and gave up her life for her love.

In DP, there is this old unused bridge which apparently was used for anchoring ships. Its in a pretty bad, dilipated shape, the concrete is slowly giving away. Let me explain this, imagine you are standing on a stretch of land that is supported by pillars. Now imagine this in the middle of the great Arabian sea !! Trust me, the sheer sound of water gushing through the concrete walls under your legs will scare you. Words ( atleast mine !!) proabably cannot describe this place, you have to visit it once. I have uploaded some pics of DP in my orkut album.

Back to the main topic ...

Well, I have this friend called KV and this post is about her. Lemme admit though that I know very little of KV. How is it related to DP ? Well, I encourage her always to do something like DP so that the place is renamed to KV. How I wish it happens one day ... I've heard day dreams always come true. How I wish, how I wish it was KV !!!

Let me start with something nice about KV. KV is a rare breed in the female species. Woh kehte hein na, beauty with brains types. Beauty no comments, coz it doesn't matter much to me, brains yes ! You can strike a conversation and be rest assured that it will continue. Guess its because of years of reading all those shitty books. Stupid or intellectual conversation, KV will definitely have something to add. Pretty interesting I'd say.

I am surprised by her maturity level, I think she is pretty mature for her age. She has pretty strong opinions, knows what she wants, what interests her, what irritates her etc etc. As in she is pretty clear about her thoughts, something that most of us find a lil difficult to comprehend.

All good things come to an end :( ...

She is definitely not the approachable types. Not the types who would make you comfortable in the first meeting. Her acceptance levels are pretty poor I guess. I guess its either misoandre symptoms or just plain cynicism. Cynicism I think is the result of one bad relationship or just some expectations gone wrong. And yeah, cynicism kinda spoils all the fun in life.

Swalpa sarcastic typesu. She'll kill you with her comments. The problem is, sarcasm confuses me. I don't understand if sarcasm is sheer contempt or is just meant to convey some hidden message. A lil moody also, doesn't like anybody intruding into her space, her privacy and her time !

All in all, a weirdo. But then everybody is always somebody's weirdo !!!

Current Mood:

impressed

Current Music: Aao na - Kyon ho gaya na

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17 April 2009 @ 02:03 pm

Its getting a lil boring here. Don't have any friends on LJ. I always think I need to socialize here, make some friends join some groups etc etc. Had loads of time, but not the patience I guess. I am a very lazy guy, have been postponing it for ages.

Havent been doing much in life really. Had gone to tirupathi with family last weekend. Climbed all of the 3600 steps, took about 5 hrs tho !! It was fun, liked the trip. I'm an atheist though, agnostic to be precise ... but more towards the atheism side. The more I visit such places, the more I tend towards atheism.

I had gone there a couple of years ago with my friends. There was this saadhu who just looked at me and said, "You are a computer brain, you will fly out of the country within two months". I ignored him, although his words were echoing all the time. Turned out to be false !! Guess what, I heard a similar thing this time as well !!!

This time its true for sure, I'll be flying to UK in a couple of months. I'll have to go there and hunt for a job. I have quit my job in Bangalore. Yeah, you read it right, people would call me crazy n all that 4 flying at the peak of recession ! But then, I have been sitting on this plan for quite a long time, don't want to postpone it any furthur. I think I'm ready to take the risks now. If not now, when ? If not me, who ?

Current Mood:

bored

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07 March 2009 @ 04:12 pm

Ages since I was here ...

Ohh, been ages since I blogged. Had forgotten my user name also, dug my inbox and found it somehow. It was nice reading my previous blogs. My thoughts havent changed much for quite some time, have been holding on to them for a while now.

Btw, I think I found a reason to blog. The jobless reason still hold true, but I heard Anurag Kashyap on TV the other day, and he was saying blogging is one way for him to vent out all his frustration. It apparently gives him a platform to burst and talk his heart out. Was discussing this with a friend and he was telling me that people write diaries for the same reason. Guess I have a solid reason now to blog. Hope to start all over again this year !

Current Mood:

annoyed

Current Music: Uyirin Uyire - Khaka Khaka

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10 June 2008 @ 07:27 am

Watched "American History X" last night. A brilliant movie about the friction between whites and blacks in the US. Edward Norton absolutely rocks in the movie, its defnitely not a must watch but i think its worth watching.

Im not that big a movie freak. But I do watch all the latest bollywood, kollywood (kannada) movies and I guess its coz I enjoy spending time with friends. Its fun going in big groups and watching movies with friends. I dont have the patience to sit in front of my laptop or TV and watch movies. All the more if its an english movie and it would require me to concentrate, sit and understand their accents !

But then, 27 is a weird age in a gyz life. All the female friends are married happilly and sucked into the "family" life. Even though u know them for ages, the relationship changes post marriage. She or they have nothng much to talk about, apart from their hubbies and in laws.

The male friends are either married or are searching for an alliance. They are thinking about 100 diff ways of saving money and buying a flat, car , land, mobiles, ipods etc etc which dont excite me much. The topics have dried out, the excitement levels have gone down. Topics now range from rupees per square feet in sm god forsaken area to rupees per lakh for the EMI's !! All this while I havent changed much, I have been pretty much the same for smtime now !!

Life is getting a lil dull, the friends group is shrinking. The late night get-togethers, birthday bashes, weekends pubbing have reduced. No other option now really, I have to move on. Work, work work and only look forward to watching a movie every day online !

All work and no loafing makes me a dull boy :(

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08 June 2008 @ 10:29 pm

Things I did 2day ...

1> Got up early, 8 types. Surfed channels, caught up with the morn news till 10.

2> Watched "An Inconvenient truth". I donno y there was so much of Al Gore in it. Hez done with his political career, but I think he had some personal scores to settle. Cant think of any other reason really. Neway, I strongly believe that Global warming is not a myth and we have to do something cut down our carbon emissions. More of that in a separate post.

3> Ages since I slept in the afternoon. Found some time to take a 1 hr nap :)

4> Played cricket, galli cricket that is. Batted and bowled well, won a couple of matches for my team. Pretty happy with the way my body was responding, considering that this is the 2nd time Im playing cricket in all of 2008 !!!!

5> Watching Jannat and blogging :)

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08 June 2008 @ 08:43 pm

Y blogging ... cont'd

i was inspired by one of the bloggers on lj. cant recall her blog name rit now. i thnk im here 4 the same reasonz 2. there are so many times when i cant be me, there are so many times when i want to say smthng but i hold myself back. This is my space, this is my chance to express myself and be myself. i dont have to be nice to anybody, dont have to tolerate anybody and i get a chance to speak my mind. The myriad of shitty thoughts that cross my mind each day will not go waste, I can put them up here and let an unknown person evaluate it.

Y anonymous ? Well, i dont want my friends to know that Im here. I dont think I will be able to be myself and the whole purpose of me blogging wud be lost.

I donno if im bored of this topic or i donno wat else to put up here, either way im stopping this topic here. Time to move on to the other shitty thots :)

P.S - I am a very lazy guy, hope this effort doesnt go a waste !!!!

Current Location: Bangalore

Current Mood:

contemplative

Current Music: Boulevard of broken dreamz ....

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18 May 2008 @ 10:29 pm

Y do ppl blog ? i dont care about the others, but y am i blogging ? wat am i dng here ??

well, to be honest, i have no idea y im here or wat im gonna write here.

1> am i here 2 make friends ? cud b

2> am i here to write bt my opinions, hw strongly i feel about them and discuss social issues ? nobody wud give a damm shit !

3> am i jobless ? cud b.

a couple of yrz ago, i took a small break in b/w my coding sessions and started reading my freinds website. he had linked up his lj blog in the website and the jobless me decided to click and read his blog. it was nice to read about him, his accomplishments and other shitty stuff bt him which i wudnt have bothered to know otherwise.

In one of his entries, he had mentioned smthing like "now, i dont want to confuse the reader bt my XYZ ....". tat brings me to the next point ...

4. wtf ? was he blogging 4 smbody else to read and understand his personal life ?? i mean, come on y shud i even be bothered if the reader is confused or bored? am i blogging so tat smbody wud read and appreciate my writing skills or appreciate the way i thnk ? man go get a life, dont read my blog !!

once again in b/w my frantic coding sessions, i took a break and started reading an arch rivlas blog. i hated him to the core, but just wanted 2 know wat he was upto. his 4-5th blog entry was about me, i wasnt 2 surprised, coz tats exactly wat i was looking for !! in that entry, this dude called me all possible names, used all his vocab 2 describe me and made up a story 2 describe his actions vis-a-vis my actions. he obviously said he was the nice guy and i was ass-licker who betrayed him. his lj friends added few comments sayng there are such ppl on this earth and he shud not be disheartened by the episode. well, tat brings me to my next point ...

5> am i here 2 justify wat i did and get the small little world of lj acknowledge my "actions" ? nopes, i dont want sympathy gyz, not online atleast :)

to be continued ... feeling sleepy rit now

Current Mood:

sleepy

Current Music: Jannat - Judaii

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15 April 2008 @ 01:40 am

My first post ...

My first post here, have been postponing it for quite some time now. cant remember when i decided to start blogging, me being me just kept posptoning it 4 ages !! Well thats me .. "The ace of procrastinators" as my friend puts it. But I promise to get rid of procrastination from 2row :).

A lil bit bt me ...

Personal: Born and brought up in bangalore, did all my schooling here. Suck at roads and routes tho ! Like trekking, camping in forests, traveling, meeting new ppl and chilling out with friends. Was away from home for 4 years of my batchelors, made friends and enemies for life and learnt most of the imp lessons life had to teach here. Had sooperb fun, but it was not even close to the wonderful childhood I had.

Professional : Ubiquitous s/w engg. Was lucky enuf 2 find a job soon after bachelors. Switched a couple of jobs in 4 years hoping to find some solace, but found that its the same shit everywhere. I work only for a living. Roti, kapda , makan aur status keeps me gng, otherwise im plain bored.

Interests: Cricket I guess. As a kid, I dreamed bt playing for my country ... managed to make it into my class team for a couple of matches. Trekking and cricket keep me busy during weekends.

Marital status: Single rit now. Never felt lonely tho, coz I smhw manage to find smbdy to flirt with all the time. None now, latest crush found smone :(

Time pass: Fun luving, cant connect with nerds and the conservatives. Very social by nature, luv spending time with friends. Donno what I do all the time, but Im occupied with something or the other. Keep myself busy all day, 24 hrs is never sufficient. Like following international news and events. Hooked on to the net most of the time, reading news, journals and orkutting.

Current Mood: Got a reject from a B school, disappointed :(

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